Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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