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• (+49): View more from Germany

  i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out

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• (212): View more from New York

  I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (718): View more from New York

  he told me my vagina needed a tic tac

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• (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have tan lines from my nipple rings.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.

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