WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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