All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.