Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?