I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.