I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
