You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize