when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
