nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
me + whiskey = a bad person
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
