Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
FUCK WHALES
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
