We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
