I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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