Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
