if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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