I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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