Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
