theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
