i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm really into asian looking animals
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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