His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
