no, he came in my armpit
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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