A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
