with your own penis?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
