He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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