Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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