It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
