weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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