Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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