You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize