that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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