How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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