we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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