you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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