If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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