you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
