I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
