Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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