WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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