Where did you get a picture of my penis
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
