I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
