that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you have to choose: penises or morals?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
