True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
