Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
