dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
