I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
