I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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