Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
