you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
