and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
