Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
