i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
