okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
