hell yes lets make some ravioli
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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