Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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