Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
