just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
