the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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