Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
