We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
