Sry I called you an 8
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So apparently I’m into choking now
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