my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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