i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
