Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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