If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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