I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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