it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
