he thought i was a dude.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
