Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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