I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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