dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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