Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
