her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
