I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
